How do you stop loving someone who no longer loves you back? And they can be hard but if you truly love someone and they truly love you, some how they will always come back. Alice Kelly is a writer with a passion for lifestyle, entertainment, and trending topics. “The reasons we do may be based upon physical attraction, qualities we see that we really like about them, and the promise that this person is or may be your ‘soulmate.’” Dr. Brown says this period of falling in love (otherwise known as the aforemetnioned “honeymoon phase”) can last from a few weeks to a few years. Going from being in love with someone and planning a future together, to what can feel like a “less significant,” friendly relationship can be extremely painful — even impossible for most exes. You don’t always get to choose how your relationship ends, and sometimes it can come totally out of left-field. Your relationship might be long over, but that doesn’t always mean you’ve fallen out of love. You don’t have to pursue friendship with someone you still care for if it’s going to be too painful. This process can be painful. What you need to do is get your shit together. How could you ever stop loving your soulmate? How can you possibly stop loving someone when you never saw your life without them in it? Ask A Dating Question - https://datinglogic.net/ask-a-question/ Answer A Dating Question - https://datinglogic.net/forums/forum/qa/ But even if you can’t entirely stop loving someone who doesn’t love you or who’s caused you … Stopping yourself from loving the person you “truly love” is possible, but the choice to take this course is still in your hands. Learn to walk away from toxic relationship. Relationships are complicated. No one can help someone fall out of love. This is because true love can be eternal. Commit yourself to looking forward and get excited about your life again. But if they evolve and turn into someone who you no longer recognize, then I believe you stop loving THAT person, but you will always love the original identity they had when you two met. You can start losing feelings for someone, but you cannot just randomly stop loving someone. This resentment can result in a lack of attraction. We are going to tell you what to do in order to get over your unrequited love and start living a new life without the object of your passion. Ah, your first love: that special someone who stole your heart first, and if you're being fully honest with yourself, probably still has it. You might also find yourself in an unhealthy relationship that needs to end, or have suddenly caught feelings for someone you shouldn’t be in love with but you just can’t seem to ditch your emotions. Please read before you answer: I broke up with a guy a week ago, who I've been in an intense relationship with for a year and 3 months. It’s possible that you put aside your own aspirations, plans, and maybe even social ties in order to focus on your relationship. Remember this and acknowledge that the love you’re trying to control might just be in the process of reshaping itself into a platonic love. When you feel affection for someone, you want them around all the time. Encouragement. For some, switching feelings off is as simple as turning off a light switch. You have been blessed with the power to love others and should embrace this, carry it into new connections, and form a love deeper and stronger than you’ve experienced before. We ended up in normal ex terms: not good, but not bad either. I was in a 3 year relationship up until 6 months ago. While you may not have chosen it, relationship breakdown is an opportunity to get in touch with yourself. If you ever think about him, then take only negative and bad things that make you hate him easily. If you feel this strongly about someone, it never changes. Your feelings may change (or fade) over time as you learn how to get over them, but it's doubtful that you will ever completely stop loving them. Even though the relationship ended on not so good terms (he was a year older than me, and found a girl his age), I only wanted him to be happy so I let him go. Time. You feel unhappy, dissatisfied with yourself, and even depressed. Falling out of love is made all the more difficult when your goals and future were centered around your relationship. However, when you’re head over heels loving someone, it means you know when to let them go and be where they’re most happy. Loving someone is the most beautiful feeling in this world. Soo quick story. This is because true love can be eternal. Yes we move on & live our lives but no i don't believe you ever stop loving them. In some cases, friendship isn’t totally off the table. Recently I have been thinking I might still love him a bit, the good parts about him anyway. Maybe you had a parent, close family member, or friend who left your life in a painful way. Sometimes our inability to move on is our soul telling us that we need to look into ourselves and address our pasts. “This is a compassionate, human type of love.”, According to Winter, romantic love is tricky, because even if the breakup was painful, you might still find yourself desiring your ex. Definitely, and you can start to notice these changes after the honeymoon phase is over. And even if you do still have love for them, it’s OK to say goodbye for good. Are we missing our ex, or is this a disguise for some deeper pain? According to Dr. Brown, these feelings can range from “apathy, to confusion, feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or relief if you’ve known for a while that the relationship is not right.” Maybe your busy schedules are making it impossible to spend time together, and when you do have the time, you’d rather be alone or with someone else. You might not realize the relationship has run its course until after the dust settles and you find yourself unhappy, asking yourself whether you can actually stop being in love with someone. “In general, there is that delicious period where we fall in love with our partner,” Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily. My point is that when you start loving someone, you don’t stop. But there comes a time when this loves suck out all your energy. But a love that feels comfortable when you remember the time together. Love is free-flowing; at any given moment you can love many people at once: your friends, family and partner. Falling in love with someone you can't have can seriously affect your self-esteem and self-confidence. You may have even been the one doing the breaking up and now you’re left worrying that you acted too rashly or have made a mistake. It is quite possible that love for you is still there. 10 Signs A Person Is Incapable Of Loving Someone, The 5 Most Common Reason Men Fall Out Of Love With Their Wives, If someone does not love you or want to be with you, I Didn't Stop Loving You, I Just Decided To Stop Showing It, 10 Signs He's A Genuinely Nice Guy, Not A Jerk, These 4 Behaviors Cause 90% Of All Divorces, What The 'Perfect' Mistress Looks Like (According To Men), How To Know (For SURE) If A Man Wants To Be With You. This can cause you to overthink and analyze every aspect of your relationship, instead of realizing that some things just aren’t meant to be. In this case, refusing to let go of love is causing a self-deprecating sorrow that only stops us from recognizing the finality of a breakup. so i don't why you cant stop loving someone... i think it's possible. Tap into your personal ambitions and make some plans for your future. love is a concept. I think you never stop loving a version of a person. “You can have loving feelings for someone long after you’ve chosen to not be in a relationship with them,” Susan Winter, an NYC-based relationship expert, tells Elite Daily. This can teach us to hold on to love in the hopes of reconciliation when, in reality, it's better to let go. And ultimately, all of these factors can lead to falling out of love. Holding on to a love lost can limit you and stop you from making new goals. Though the breakup might be agonizing at first, love is an important part of the healing process so you can acknowledge you and your partner’s needs for separation. Realizing that something wasn’t meant to be won’t happen overnight, nor will it instantly cure your emotions, but it’s an important step in moving forward. Of course, there might be other things at play here, and sometimes our reasons for still being in love with someone are signs of some deeper emotional issues. You have the choice to keep the fire and passion burning, or go ahead and accept that your feelings are already fading. When you try to stifle love, you’re doing yourself a disservice. until humanity dies off, love can't stop. And what’s more, I do believe it’s impossible for a person to stop loving, a human heart just was not made that way. “Only then can we see our ex as a person we esteem and admire.” Dr. Brown says achieving this kind of relationship — a platonic friendship with admiration and respect — might take awhile. Breakups, divorce, or even death cannot destroy this kind of love. There is no definitive way to close off our emotions and stop love in its tracks (at least not that I know of, though I'm open to suggestions). I truly believe you never stop loving that person, the person you felt true love for. Take care of your physical appearances and try to be happy as much as you can after getting over with the tears session as you read above. Love is an emotion that’s difficult to explain and even more difficult to control. In time, you will be able to look back on your relationship with fondness. Despite everything, we have somehow stayed together. RELATED: The 5 Most Common Reason Men Fall Out Of Love With Their Wives. There are a few reasons you're finding it difficult to stop loving someone. Humans. Obviously, you should get rid of these feelings as soon as possible. Perhaps you’re fighting on the reg — so much, that you feel yourself growing bitter toward them. It’s easy to over-idealize your partner during this time, but once you get past the gloss and start experiencing life together — and all the good and not-so-good it brings — that excitement and newness can begin to fade. But the end of the honeymoon phase isn’t a death sentence for your relationship. “This is perfectly normal and natural,” says Dr. Brown. Perhaps there’s some self-discovery you need to be doing in order to understand why you hold onto love, maybe you need to practice more self-love to overcome your fear of rejection, or maybe you just simply need to take this time to hang out with friends and reconnect with family. Time just has to go by and eventually, (it could be years later) you realize that you are no longer in love. But in certain situations, stopping yourself from loving someone is next to impossible. “What we see with our eyes more wide open, and how we deal with what we see in our partner, is now going to determine the viability of the relationship.”. It took me 40 years, but it finally happened. If the person you're trying to stop loving is someone that you've relied heavily on in the past for emotional support, find a different friend to help fill that role. If you are talking about a romantic relationship, I don't think you ever do stop loving someone.The love can change forms however - it can change from romantic love to loving the endearing qualities a person has, or loving the time you spent together. Love doesn’t always go away just because we want it to. I know i have experienced that & when you run in to that true love again, you will see that it never ends. If your dearest one left you it doesn’t mean he or she stopped loving you. See also: ... Don’t ever be harsh on yourself. Look at the reality of the situation. If you are able to love and stop loving it means your love is conditional. I'm 16, and me and my boyfriend of a year broke up in May. Dr. Gary Brown, Los Angeles couples' therapist, Susan Winter, NYC-based relationship expert, This article was originally published on July 27, 2017, you can actually stop being in love with someone. © 2021 by Tango Media Corporation All Rights Reserved. Breaking up with someone doesn't mean that you will stop being in love with them. Ask a friend if you can reach out to him or her when you get the urge to talk to the person you're trying to avoid. The important thing is that you feel comfortable in whatever relationship — or lack of relationship — you have with your ex. Do you ever stop loving someone 100%? You’ve invested time and energy into a relationship that ultimately didn’t give you what you needed, so it’s easy to feel disillusioned by your ex. RELATED: I Didn't Stop Loving You, I Just Decided To Stop Showing It. I'm 21, he is my "first" real bf.. my first love, first everything. Can we control it and cause it to dissipate when we need it to? “You can have loving feelings for someone long after you’ve chosen to not be in a relationship with them,” Susan Winter, an NYC-based relationship expert, tells Elite Daily. Love is stubborn and sometimes it sticks around for a lot longer than it should. You are only human, and you don’t heal as easily as you’d like. When it comes to not loving someone any longer, all you can do is go through it, believe your feelings for them will never change, and then watch in wonder as time passes and they finally do. Whatever it is, focusing on yourself will allow you to grow from your relationship and channel your love into your own needs. Falling out of love can be really overwhelming. It’s how you adjust to life together that determines whether or not you’ll work out long-term. If you have been unable to stop loving far beyond a relationship’s end, you mustn’t judge yourself negatively. This love can reshape and change, and become a comforting force. In these situations, we often hold on to love in the hopes that if we continue to blame ourselves, things might change and we will be able to reconcile with our exes. Are you idealizing a relationship that was full of flaws? you can stop liking someone. How do you stop loving someone? My ex girlfriend (age 22) and I (23m) fell in love in high school. Even though you’re are no longer together you still feel a closeness, a bond and a connection to them. But do it genuinely for your own good and follow these steps on how to stop loving someone. Human nature and just how we are all wired. Decide this very moment you no longer need your ex, because the fact is you don’t. RELATED: 10 Signs A Person Is Incapable Of Loving Someone. These 10 quotes will make you stop loving someone who doesn’t love you. You’re probably thinking about how cute your partner is, or about the date you’re planning for your anniversary, or how dreamy their voice sounds when they first wake up in the morning. That’s the worst time to get dumped, by the way. Without condition means no matter what. If you want to unlove someone, you need to stop thinking about the question: “How to stop loving someone?” and focus on things that make you feel good about yourself! You can grow to have a love for someone without being in love with them. The short answer? When you’re in love with someone, you’re probably not thinking about when or how you’re going to fall out of love. And the only way for you to do that is for you to accept you were wrong. If you were, you’d be there with them. Yes it can happen, but maybe you will not stop loving them, both is ok.. you will, however, be able to stop thinking so much about them and let it be past and still live in the present She's super outgoing and super personable. ive never been in love so.. im just my rational perspective. But being unable to stop loving someone isn’t always a bad thing. Often, the end of a relationship brings on a painful grieving process — not only for the relationship itself, but for the life you envisioned for yourself with your ex. Focus on the present and recognize the reason why your relationship cannot flourish at this time. And that moment is both very sad and very freeing. You don’t always get to decide who you fall in love with. You can use this to feel empowered by your past relationship without longing to get back together. The love you feel toward this person is still there. It's unlikely that you will stop loving someone just because you broke up. Here we have a change of relationships and not a change in the heart. When she dumped me, I was still in love with her, and I thought there was nothing wrong with her. Not being able to be friends with an ex is far from a failure. You feel good about having them with you, and you don’t ever want to say goodbye. And we are super weird too :) I see you and I have these 1000 tiny butterflies in my stomach. He was my first love, and I really did love him so much. Loving someone when things are rainbows and happy faces is the easy part. She was my first love. So it is certainly possible to stop loving someone the agape way, replacing it with only erotic love or plain selfishness. 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